TO and Roy - Behind Closed Doors

{at a public press conference}

Roy : I'm really excited to be playing for the Cowboys and working the field along with TO. It's going to be fun.

TO: I'm glad to have Roy here. He is a great addition to our team and should help us reach our ultimate goals. God bless you all and thanks to God for a guy like Roy here in Dallas.

{press conference ends and only TO and Roy are left there}

TO: Listen bitch don't you plan on coming up in the Dig D and try to steal my glory you hear me!

Roy: Ah nah TO, it ain't like that baby. I'm here to play wit ya bro. We could become one of the greatest tandems in the league.

TO: Bitch are you just not listening to me. When TO talks everybody listens and that includes you, you new fuck!

Roy: Ease up holmes, I know what's crackalacking up in the D.

TO: Lemme break this down for you muthafucka. If you ever, ever catch more balls than me, more TDs than me, or get more yards than me in a game I'll have someone follow you home from the game and remove your testicles one at a time with a pair of pliers and some fingernail clippers. Not the fucking the big toe nail clippers either bitch.

Roy: Terrel, listen ma....

TO: What the fuck you just call me? Did you just call me Terrell? Let's get another thing straight you faggot ass bitch. Don't nobody but my mama call me Terrell you punkass, I'll let Jerry get away with that shit because he's the boss and all, but don't you ever fucking call me Terrell again or I will drop a whole barrel of ass whip up in your sorry Detroit Lion asshole. You got me boy?

Roy: OK, then TO man, I ain't about stealing none of the highlights. I am here to win that's all.

TO: You fuckhead! You just don't get it do you. {grabs Roy by the neck and begins to squeeze}

Roy: {gasping for breath) I get it TO, I get it. Let go!!

TO: Wait a fuckin minute. Did you just tell me to let go? Don't nobody tell TO what the fuck to do, you hear that bitch?

Roy: Yeah man, I hear you, I hear you. Listen dawg I just want to get along with you and be on this successful team right beside you man. If you succeed, I succeed and vice versa, and if we both succeed the team succeeds and then we can take this thing all the way to the big show!!

TO: Do you ears even fuckin work Roy? Do they? Can you even fuckin hear me? Do I need to get a fucking sign language translator bitch up in here so you can understand the words coming out of my mouth son?

Roy: TO, this is getting a little out of hand man. I ain't gots no beef wit ya bro. It'll be cool let's just see how things shake out during the 1st game.

TO: Do I need to bitch slap the dumbness out of your fucking head Roy cuz you ain't gettin it? {raises hand}

Roy: No man, that's not necessary. I don't see what the big deal is dude.

TO: Let me break it down for you. I still haven't even had a 100 yard game yet. I'm a fuckin superstar and you ain't so just realize that and everything will be aight.

Roy: What the fuck ever TO.

TO: Listen up biotch! I need you to get hurt and miss the season is what I need from you. Everybody around here is hurt and that was my chance to become the face of this team. I was going to be the one to put the team on my back and carry this franchise to glory land and then you come along and fuck it all up. Jerry would have had my face on posters and signs all over this shit hole redneck cowboy fucking town. This is my chance Roy and you are not going to fuck it up, you hear me!! YOU WILL NOT FUCK ME UP ROY!!! So, get injured and make it a good one, I don't want no fake hamstring bullshit. I want a god damn broken bone mother fucker, and not no Tony Romo pinky finger bullshit. I already gots beef with that bitch for fucking me up by saying he is playing this weekend. So get out there, have a good practice, and break a fuckin leg, and I mean that you little bitch. YOU HEAR MUTHA FUCKER!

{turns around....Roy had already left the room...in walks Wade Phillips}

Wade: Damn it TO, practice started 7 minutes ago! Why the hell aren't you out there? That new guy Roger or Ralph or whatever the hell his name is already has one up on you. Get your punkass on the field now!!!