Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

Queue, the Eurythmics or Marilyn Manson, whatever floats your boat. Basically, I rarely ever ever have any dreams that I remember. The chances of me having a good dream, and by good I mean a threesome with some 18 year old swedish twins, are about as good as the Detroit Lions winning the super bowl in the 2009 season. So, go ahead, call your bookie and place your bets for Detroit to win it all next season because last night I dreamed of me and Cindy Crawford! SCHAA-WING!!

Now first off let me say that this was vintage Cindy....



.....and not current Cindy.....



...although current Cindy isn't bad either. Just wondering where the fuck that mole went though!

Anyways the details are a little blurry, but all I know is it was me and Cindy on something in which we were laying down and she was all over me. She was wearing some form of business attire. It was along the lines of a skirt and button down blouse. We were making out something fierce. I can still remember exactly what it was like ripping her top off. Once I accomplished that I was doing an impersonation of a Ethiopian baby breast feeding after nearly starving to death due to not eating or drinking for 7 days. It was so vivid and realistic and she was so god damn sexy! She kept saying she wanted me and wanted me now. So what does stud muffin dAndy Mother Fucking ManCandy do? I remember telling her I couldn't right now because I had to be somewhere, but we could definitely resume this later. WTF? I turned down a horny vintage Cindy Crawford that wanted nothing more than some of dAndy's ManCandy because I had to be somewhere. Where was that somewhere? The fucking job I am getting fired from in a week. The next sound I hear is ahhh ahhh ahhh wake your sorry ass up ahhh ahhh ahhh coming from my alarm. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK!

{Images via The Just Plain Breakfast and InGameNow}

Testees on FX

I instantly became of fan of FX earlier this year because I saw It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia for the 1st time. I love that fuckin show! So this week, they advertise this shit out of this show called Testees coming on after Sunny. I of course checked it out while flipping back and forth to the game in which the Boston assholes came back on the now headed to the World Series Rays. Let me tell you this, that is one FUCKED UP show. The people that come up with that shit and Sunny have some kind of mind that was twisted and warped and molded into it's current state by the endless use of alcohol, hallucinogens, and any other mind altering drug they could get their hands on. Seriously, how the fuck do you think of shit like that? So back to the show. First off, if you didn't see the show what I am about to tell you is going to sound, uh, let's just call it fuckin gay. And it's going to sound that way because, uh, it was some gay ass shit, but damn it was funny. Basically the testees (two guys who volunteered for scientific testing) agree to undergo a procedure that will give them a puss and tits temporarily and it all goes downhill from there. In brief, one guys gets a carrot stuck inside him while pleasing his new downstairs, one guys has a nice rack, the other pretty much has floppy 80 year old tits, one guy's friend wants him to do his dad, the other guygirl ends up sleeping with his ex-girlfriend that has now turned lesbian due to the shitty sex she originally had with him when he was a dude and because he is still a shitty lay as a chick she turns back straight again.

Yep, that sums it up. It's that fucked up and you should check it out!