Breaking News! Breaking News! Special F'n Report!

I received some life changing information today! Apparently there are significantly more people viewing this here little blog than I was aware of. Just as I am thinking there were only like four people that even look at dAndy's Own I found out there are like four more people that look at this. So yeah, I just found out that my viewership is at least double that of what I expected. Oh yeah, look out KSK and BFO, dAndy is an up and comer in the blogoshpere!

There is only one catch. These people know me and know me well and it just so happens they believe everything on here (I really did kill that hog by the way). The best part about it is that some of these folks haven't believed a word out of my mouth for like 5 fucking years. Hell, my integrity was already questioned today by one of them. However, there is something magically good that has come from this. If you have credibility issues with a loved one or family member just create your own blog and all of your problems will be solved. That's right, if you read something on the Internet it has to be true! So let me check to see if www.iwishmywifewouldbelieveme.blogspot.com is available. Bingo you're in!

If that was your blog and you were caught up in some shit just blog about it and then wait for the people involved to find out. Here's an example.....

I feel so hurt right now. A great relationship is based upon trust, I know that much, but for some reason it just isn't there. Why won't she believe me when I tell her that I didn't get a lap dance when I went to that titty bar and that we didn't even drink more than one beer a piece and that we were only there for like twenty minutes.....

Bada bing bada boom! You're off the hook.

So back to the jist of this post. If you know me, or if you don't know me (I could give 2 shits) and you don't like what you are reading here the solution is superty duperty simple. Don't come back to dAndyville. Seriously, if you never come back to my blog the world will be at peace, gas will drop to less than $2 a gallon, and all of the illnesses and diseases of the world will have a cure. Yep, it's that fucking simple.

OK, so now to clear up one thing. In my previous post about the Jags Pre-Season game I attended I made a terrible mistake in posting this.....

"So, some important notes from the game. No more taking the kids until they are A: old enough to drive my drunk ass home, B: old enough to get sauced up at the game with me. So you may see them back in 9-10 years."

I am terribly sorry about this statement. I completely forgot that in this state you can drive at the age of 15 if you are riding with a licensed driver over the age of 21. So check that to 8-9 years before they go to another game with me. ;-)

By the way, while I am at it and clearing the air I just want to confess that I occasionally masturbate to 70+ year old women baking chicken pot pies wearing nothing but an apron. Whatever floats your boat or sinks your submarine right?

Peace - dAndy out

P.S. I was also told I have a dumb ass blog and it really hurt my feelings. :-(

Gina Carano

I loosely follow MMA, mostly WEC on versus and the occasional UFC bout. I'm definitely looking forward to the Kimbo vs Shamrock action on October the 4th. I just need someone to tell me why the fuck I haven't heard or seen of this chick yet??? She is smoking hot NO DOUBT and she was an American Gladiator!!!

WTF is up with Tony's hair?!?

Ok, I believe it's safe to assume that pretty much everybody hates the MNF commentators, IE this blog article from Doc Holliday. Along with the annoying commentary belies a much bigger problem for me. That problem is Tony Kornholer's hair!!!!

Yeah, it's abso-fuckin-lutely fucktastic to say the LEAST. I tried to find an image of it, but had no luck at all. Maybe it's because every camera that tried to capture it magically locked up or had a malfunction. Anyways, this dude needs to make some changes ASAP. Does anyone know how to get my TV to blur just his head out? That's the only way I think I can stomach another MNF. Basically this dude has the 3-4 strand combover kickin with the Billy Ray Cyrus poof bustin up out da back. I ain'ts queer or nothin, but this guys needs to man up and either shave his whole gourd or go classic baldy and just have the short hair on the sides and back. I'm lucky enough to still have my hair, but if I do lose it and anywhere remotely come close to the TK flip poof someone please shoot me on sight! Thanks!

dAndy Vs. Wild

I dropped a big ass hog this past weekend. There wasn't a scale at the camp, but minimum guess is over 300 lbs. One of the guys thought it could be 400 lbs. Check him out. Old dude had tusks and everything.

Fantasy Report - Week 3

Done. I am fucking done!! I was able to have yet another lackluster day of performance from my so called "STUD" performers in fantasy. Basically my QBs suck balls. I need to be in a fantasy league that gives points to the QB for each succesful snap he takes. Seriously, that's how bad I need points.

Dude - "How'd you do in fantasy dAndy?"
Me - "f'n great man. Matt Cassel took like 72 successful snaps today. I'm king of
the world bro!!"

I lost this week and I could have prevented it with some roster changes prior to kickoff. Who knew Mar Har would actually show up and make some plays? Oh well, live and learn, no make that die and learn. If the dude I played would have played his roster differently I would have got blown away instead of being down by 5 on Monday with no players remaining. Why you ask? Because he had Ronnie fuckin Brown and his near 40 pt performance on the bench. He could have just about beat me with just Ronnie. THAT IS HOW BAD MY TEAM SUCKED!!! My only bright spot was Brandon Marshall again, which is not really too bright because he will probably get picked up by Denver police for beating the shit out of somebody a while back. That's how this bullshit rolls man...I hate fantasy sooooo much!!!! I wish it would have never been invented by some geek that was always to uncoordinated and small to ever step on the field and felt the need to live vicariously through the stars of the NFL.

At least the jags beat the Colts though......

Greatest Gator Football Game Memory - Tennessee 2006 - pt 1

I thought it would only be fitting with the Florida vs. Tennessee game approaching this weekend that I would share what is probably the greatest College Football experience I have ever had. Well, I'll tell you what, I'll call this solid Top 3 action. I've got another one in store for Florida/Georgia as well, but I'll save that for late October.

If you are looking for a great story with details about the game itself, go ahead and click on something else. This is about the camaraderie and the experience of traveling to Tennessee from North East Florida (approx 550 miles in case you needed to know). It's an epic fucking story, one that will be passed down to dAndy generations to come. How cool is that shit? 100 years from now some guy I'll be related to will sit his son down and the story will start with your great, great, great grandpappy dAndy journeyed into the heart of Knoxville to see the Gators spank some Rocky Top ass back in 2000.......This will be a long one so I'll break it up into parts. I am sure there is a small % of the thousands of people that read this this here site that may find it tiring if it's more than 4 or 5 paragraphs. Hell, most of you are probably done with this shit already, so I'll march in to the story!

There were 9 of us that decided to take this excellent adventure, I knew most of them for the most part. One guy I had known since kindergarten. Our closeness would only grow on this trip. Crazy Marko was the decided leader, but it wasn't because of his astute decision making or mental capability. In fact, Crazy Marko only went because he was over 25 and could legally rent an RV. That's right we piled up in a RV with a Keg in the shower and departed around 4pm Friday before the game.

We arrive in Tennessee a little after midnight. The ride up was interesting with each of us taking turns at the wheel. Especially considering we never actually stopped the RV until we got to Tennessee. I chose to drive early and get my shift out of the way so I could get my drink on. Upon arrival we selected what appeared to be a great location to park. There were some tennis courts on the side of the road we parked on and you could see the stadium straight down the road ahead of us for a ways. That along with some older looking houses on the other side of the street was our home away from home. Little did we know at that time we had parked on fraternity road, but that didn't stop us from drinking until 430 in the morning....

I needs me some ESPN Deportes!!!

Man, I am loving Hispanic Heritage month so far. We start off with all of the senoritas in the MNF pregame which was OK. It added a little flavor to the celebration of my Week 2 fantasy win thanks to Witten not catching a TD. However, what has sold the deal for me is the Sportscenter break ins by ESPN Deportes host, Adriana Monsalve. Man this chick is smoking hot. Nothing like hearing some gorgeous chick with a sexy as fuck accent talking sports. It just gets the ol' juices flowing if you catch my drift.

OK, I'm off to see how much a subscription to ESPN Deportes cost. Sure, I will probably get 22.97 hours of Futbol with my subscription but it's worth the hour or so of Adriana NO DOUBT!!!!