Greatest Race Memory.....

I've been to a few races here and there over the years. Several Daytona 500s and 400s which includes the Firecracker 400s from back in the day. One was the July race in 1990 when like 25 cars crashed right in front of me in turn 1 on the 1st or 2nd lap. I had chunks and flakes of rubber from the tires falling all over me. I can still vividly remember "The King" riding back to the garage on the hood of his #43 STP car wearing his legendary cowboy hat in tow behind the wrecker waving to all the fans. Yeah, that was the very 1st race I ever attended and I was hooked. I also went to the Atlanta Spring race in 2005 which was a completely boring race up until Carl Edwards passed Jimmy Johnson for the win on the last lap coming out of turn 4 bumpin and bangin all the way. The best part about that was that we were sitting next to 2 big time JJ fans from up north who were drinking Seagram's 7 and Sprite all day talking mad shit throughout the race. Then Carl won and they magically disappeared. I could go on for days about the memories of races I have attended, but nothing compares to Talladega in the fall of 2004. By far the best race I have ever seen P.E.R.I.O.D!

I went with my wife at the time and her parents. You're probably thinking wow that sounds great. Well, it wasn't great, it was f'in awesome to put it mildly. After a 7+ hour car ride and one stop at a kick ass Pecan Farm store (great shit is all I can say) we arrive at the Super 8 motel just outside of Talladega, in a town called Sylacauga. Nothing 5-star, but perfect in so many ways. This joint was conveniently located next to a bar with a Wal-mart (aka redneck heaven) across the street so we were sot! Now it was time to get busy.

After several cold beers and grilling some steaks in the motel parking lot (can't beat it) we meet a guy named Steve. Steve is with the band playing at the bar next to the motel and invites us to see them play. He even told us to tell the dude at the door we know Steve with the band and we could get right in there no problem. We was gonna be VI muthafuckin Ps baby!

So we continue to hit the sauce in preparation to head the to "The Tavern" as it's called and the next thing you know a hauler pulls into the hotel parking lot. And to our surprise it was hauling an Elliot Sadler M&Ms car. Holy Shit!!! We couldn't believe it. We talk to the driver and discover it is just a demo car, but the thing does run. After begging to take her for a spin with no luck we settle for the guy firing up the engine and man it was frickin SWEET! That big V8 was purring like a kitty, actually roaring like a lion is more appropriate!

So off to The Tavern we go. We walk up to the door like we are total badasses. The dude at the door asks for the cover charge and we're like whoa buddy, we know Steve with the band. So after the awkward moment of silence and intimidating stare, we pay the cover and go in. We had arrived at redneck paradise.

For starters we quickly discover they this fine drinking establishment does not serve Bud Light in the bottle. If you wanted a Budweiser bottled product you had one choice and one choice only, Bud Ice, which my wife proudly downed like a champ. The wide array of canned beers was unsurpassed though I must say. First bar I have ever been in that actually had Busch Light available. So we grab our beers and grab a table. The first person to catch our eye cutting the rug was Elvira in the flesh (or so we thought). This chick had the black hair, the bangs, the black outfit, and the boobs down to the effin T. CLASSIC! She was tearing up the dance floor too. Then there was Steve and the boys jamming Southern Rock and Country on stage. "Hey Steve, remember us?" We were like groupies. So everyone is dancing and having a gold ol' time when it happens. The moment we had all been waiting for, but didn't know we were waiting for it. The band cranks out Sweet Home Alabama and dammit man this place was rockin and we knew we were in Dega without a doubt. The stage could not have been set any better!!!

I am awoken the next morning at like 430am, still drunk, and it's time to load up and head to the track. I AM S.T.O.K.E.D.! We get there before 6am and things are already stirring around the track. We fire up the Coleman grill and it's time for some bacon and eggs. That shit hit the spot. The sun begins to peak up after we eat and it's time for a little snooze, but wait, why sleep? We are in Dega baby and the track is just right there in front of us. I had to go drive the nextel simulators. What a BLAST! I'm not sure what I did, but I spent the last 15 seconds of the race flipping and rolling end over end. I guess it was my Elliot Sadler Talladega impersonation. Hell yeah, that shit was cool!

So the Busch Light drinking commences and a little while there after we head to the track. This of course after we hit the endless sea of trailers with shirts, hats, memorabilia, and everything in between. Once we got to our seats I was like DUDE! I was seriously like a kid in a candy store. This place was magnificent and our seats were killer. We sat on the very far left edge of the front grand stand probably a little over 3/4 of the way up. We had the most unbelievable view of what would eventually be cars coming out of Turns 3 into 4 and then down the front stretch. The next thing you know we all rose for the Star Spangled Banner and then then my most favorite part of the pre-race festivities, the FLYOVER. It was on baby!

From the get go it was pretty much all about the #8 Budweiser Chevy with Dale Jr. at the wheel. He dominated all the way up to the point in which he got caught in the pits under caution with like 20 laps to go. We went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in a split second. Jr. was done for, or so we thought. However, once that happened a totally effin awesome race got even better. When the green dropped on the restart what I witnessed was down right amazing. Jr. began passing cars at will and was literally driving his ass off. He gained around 17-18 spots in as many laps and when he took the lead I still to this day have never heard a crowd so loud. And believe me when I say that, it was nothing even compared to some of the greatest Gator games I've been to at the Swamp in Gainesville. The loudest I ever heard the swamp sound was like a funeral going on compared to the noise at Dega. The burnout outfuckinstanding, the post race comments fanfuckintastic. So fantastic in fact that it cost Jr. 25 points in the chase standings for dropping an "S" bomb on National Live TV. Jr basically just said it was some fun shit out there and I know it had to be considering how much fun it was to watch,

Jr. kind of fell off from that point on and ended up finishing 5th for the season, but at that moment in time I had never seen on TV, much less in person, such an amazing and entertaining race. If Jr. could drive with that kind of aggression, passion, and confidence these days I believe he'd be leading the points right now.

NASCAR: Busch and Edwards On Probation...come on!!!

I missed the race last Saturday night due to being in the middle of the woods hunting some whitetail (take that however you want), but just seeing the highlights got me stoked. Someone finally steps up and returns the favor to Kry Busch, and it had to happen at Bristol of course. The backflipping "Cousin" Carl Edwards gave Kyle Busch a dose of his own medicine and apparently Ky had a hard time swallowing it. It was f'in sweet to watch no doubt. And I'm only talking about what happened during the race. Once the race ended is when the shit really got crunk. Busch shows his ass and bumps Carl during the cool down lap. So what does Carl do? His spins Busch completely around on his way to pit road. Fantabulous stuff!

However, NASCAR (Now Against Stock Cars Actually Racing), decides to put them on probation. I'm tellin you, come this past Monday morning at work, there was a gleem in the eye of NASCAR fans that hadn't been there in a long while. And no, it wasn't from the 23.67 Busch Lights they drank from 10AM to 11pm Saturday night. We actually got to see something really exciting for the 1st time in a long time. It was the perfect storm brewing as the chase arrived and instead of letting it gain strength before it approached the coast Helton and his mustache drop the hammer.

THANKS BRO, for once again f'in up something that was going great!

Jing-a-ling - Jock Itch

With the pre-season coming to an end and super sweaty two-a-days behind the players a thought struck me. From where it came I have no clue, but here it is. "Jock Itch" is played to the tune of Natalie Cole's, "Miss You Like Crazy."

I itch you like crazy,
I itch you like crazy.
There's so many things I want to do,
but there's just no getting over you.

I itch you like crazy,
I itch you like crazy.
And every time I get a chance,
I'm itching you down in my pants!

I itch you like crazy,
I itch you like crazy.
Let's take this itching down a notch,
So I can get my hands from round my crotch.

I itch you like crazy,
I itch you like crazy.
I just wish you would go away from me
cuz I'm contemplating being a sack amputee.

I itch you like crazy,
I itch you like crazy.
Just when I think this is finally gonna end,
I give you a scratch and it starts all over again!

For some NASCAR jing-a-lings I did check out Black Flagged Online, there's some great stuff over there!

Phelps vs. Ky Busch - Phenom vs. Phenom

OK, we've got a pair of 23 year olds that are absolutely on top of their game right now. They are both dominating their sports in an unbelievable fashion. On a frickin tear if you must. Kyle pisses most NASCAR fans off (unless you count the thousands that are sliding his way everyday due to the wins and bad attitude [which is great for the sport no doubt about it]) and Michael Phelps is the beloved hero of the games. Is there a difference between these two guys?

Think about it. No, really what's the difference? Each expects to win and/or dominate every single time they compete. What's even worse is that they both KNOW they will win! Both upset their fellow competitors and get in their heads. For instance Ky spins Junior at Richmond and causes chaos, yet he gets a pile of attention. Kyle actually goes a couple of weeks without winning and some of the vets start talking smack about a slump. Ky proves them wrong and throws it in their face. As for Phelps he even had the Frenchmen talking smack and he himself at the age of 15 or so shunned a fellow competitor because the guys did something to him years prior. Phelps reached his goals and Kyle is pursuing his Sprint Championship this year, so who's more on top of their game and more of a bad ass?

Question of the day......First off, I am not a Kyle Busch supporter by any means. I can't stand the guy and am a die hard Junior fan, but I can see why so many are jumping on the Ky bandwagon. He's a spark to the sport. Here's the question, if Kyle Busch was driving in an International Olympic style Cup race and was the only hope at gold for the USA would the Ky haters pull for him like everybody pulled for Phelps?

Beijing vs. Bloodsport

Dude, I have been a huge fan of the Olympics thus far, but last night the Versus network delivered exactly what I needed to see, the classic fight flick, Bloodsport. It was the perfect breakaway from the always glued to the tube action of the Olympics that was on a slight let down for me. When the greatest swimmer ever, Michael Phelps of course, locked down gold #8 my interest dropped an eency bit. So back to Jean-Claude van Damme at his best in Bloodsport.

I can remember when watching that movie had to be done when a buddie's parents weren't home. It was a well planned event that had to go down without a hitch. Just being able to say that you saw it made you an instant bad ass at school! Dude, what about that part where the guy was fighting monkey style? Oh, you forgot about that cool shit because of the part where he flashes back to being trained blindfolded by his Tanaka Shedoshi when he was young? That was some amazing shit back in the day. The incredible part was that back then I thought it could have actually happened, and then last night my realistic expectations came to life again when I saw the stats that rolled prior to the credits. I don't remember them from back in the day, but damn, 329 fights without a loss....Un-f'ing-real!!!

Even with the quintuple knuckle busting action on Versus I couldn't completely stay away from the action in Beijing. Quick Summary......Bolt is one bad motherf'er....P.E.R.I.O.D. He's the ocho cinco of Beijing, except that he backs up his talk. Women's beach volleyball, outfantabulofucking great too! The volleys between the US and Brazil last night were mind blowing. Not too mention the shock and awe of the tie in the women's gymnastics Gold medal for uneven bars. Did you get to see the female hurdler bust her ass? Classic pain baby!

So what was better last night, the surprisingly good for the 86th time Bloodsport or the Olympics? And oh yeah, Versus played Bloodsport consecutively so you could catch the parts you missed jumping back and forth the 1st time. Like the part where the big bad ass from USA called out Chong Li, geez what a moron. And don't forget about the little dude who swipes the gold tooth from the canvas and bites it to see if it's real.

One last thing....bonus hottie action - Leah Ayres who played Janice, JCVD's fling in Bloodsport. She was atop the list back then for me. Now she is known as Leah Kalish, a bad ass yoga instructor. I wonder how flexible she is?