Dear Romeo Crenel,
Hi, my name is dAndy and I just wanted to let you know that I am one of your biggest fans. No, not size wise like a man of your stature, but I just really appreciate your coaching abilities and talents. Nope, I am not a loyal Browns fan either, but tonight I wish you and your team nothing but the best. You see coach, I play fantasy football as many of your fans do and right now I am in a pinch. I had some big days from my players yesterday, but there was a lack of touchdowns from my horses like Chris Johnson, Steve Slaton, and Adrian Peterson. Sure Andre Johnson had a monster day and Thigpen did nice for me as well. but damnit if my fantasy destiny doesn't lie solely in your hands. I'm up by 9 points right now with no way of scoring any more. The guy I am playing has Brian Westbrook going tonight along with Philadelphia's defense. Now who in their right mind would put their fantasy life on the line against you and your talented offense? That's what I was thinking too. This guys is taking a stab at you personally and I think you should take that negativity and turn it into something positive tonight. A jackass like that doesn't deserve to win, don't you think? So, just make sure you score lots of points tonight, don't turn the ball over, don't give up any sacks, and while I'm at it don't punt at all and just try onside kicks all night. That will surely best your opponent.
Now as for this Westbrook fellow. This guy has been showing his ass as of late and I believe you and your men can seek out and destroy him. No, not like kill him or anything (although that would be pretty fuckin cool!!), but I think you need to prove to yourself, the fans, and every fucking body that you good sir, can stop him. That's right I am bestowing upon you the great honor of eliminating Brian Westbrook from the play calls tonight. You can do it!!! Now, don't take this the wrong way because we both know you are completely capable of making this happen without any advice from a nobody like me. Hell, I'm not even that good at Madden on Playstation, but I do have a little defensive strategy advice for making this happen if you choose to listen.
First off, this dude is all kind of banged up. I mean shit, it's like every joint in his body has been on the injury list each week. So, attack those injuries. Ankle and knee twisting is a must. Get him to tweak that shit 1st play of the game and then your set. They'll take him out since they want to save him for the post season. And if they put that Buckhalter guy in you will destroy him too. Now, let's just say that this injure him tactic doesn't pan out. Then we, I mean you, go to plan B. Part 1 of that plan is this guy.....
I want
Shaun Rogers to do one of two things each play. The number one bestest thing would be for him to land on Westbrook each play and no not just a little slip and fall, "Oopsie, I fell on you." I'm talking about some WWE hardcore weight momentum shifting collisions. Essentially Shaun Rogers is so gotdamn big he should be able to leave a crater with the body outline of Westbrook in the grass. Oh, you're playing on artificial turf this week? Even better. Give Shaun an all you can eat gift card to all
2,625 restaurants in Cleveland if he can crack the concrete under the turf with Westbrook's body. Hell, I'll throw in $50 on it. Sure you may get a penalty or two, but what's a flag when you succeed at your mission?
Now let's say that doesn't work or Shaun gets tired. I recommend you move him back off the line about 3 yards and put him in a linebacker stance. Then when the ball is snapped have him run, jump, and fly horizontally towards the linemen and take out like 4 of them in one shot, BOOM! Then there will be hardly any blockers for Westbrook and your guys can get em.
The other part of plan B is to assign let's say 6 members of the defense to strictly focus on Brian. Yup, all these fuckers need to do is go after Westbrook on every single play. Two linemen, three linebackers, and a safety should do the trick.
Do all this good sir and I think you have a chance! Not to mention your #1 fan will continue to march towards fantasy greatness!
Thanks Romeo,
dAndy
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